Homesick
by shippingslut
Summary: Lori had never been more homesick in her life and Shane was the biggest slice of home she was ever going to get. God couldn't even judge her because Lori was convinced no God of hers would've brought this hell to earth.


No one had warned her that the end of the world would be so quiet. Maybe the process of it ending had been filled with screams and then the moans of the dead but now that most of it was over Lori Grimes was left with nothing but her thoughts to fill the silence. Carl was a quiet sleeper. He always had been and an apocalypse hadn't changed that. The boy never woke in the middle of the night screaming, his dreams didn't force him to cry out in fear, instead he had one simple request to make him feel safe in a world gone to hell and that was for Shane to stay in their tent until Carl's eyes grew too heavy to notice his father's best friend leaving.

And now Shane was quiet too. He laid next to her on the floor of their tent, both of them staring up at where the stars should've been if they weren't forced to zip themselves inside to avoid the dead. There were only a few inches between her and him but yet Lori could barely even hear his breathing. She knew he was probably holding his breath, waiting for something else to go wrong - an attack on their newfound camp, a shortage of food, something happening to Carl. Even Shane's silence was frantic.

She'd always considered him more boy than man. But his once hyper energy was now proving useful, now that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, weight Lori knew consisted of her and her son. Rescuing them from Atlanta, getting them off the road, finding the quarry - it was all thanks to the man that laid beside her. Even if she lived to be a hundred years old Lori knew she'd never repay him.

"You awake?"

His whisper was a bit jarring in the quiet night. Somewhere out there Jim and Morales sat, taking a shift of watch duty but they knew to make as little sound as possible. Sound attracted walkers and walkers attracted death.

"I'm always awake," Lori replied, making sure to match his volume so as not to disturb the sleeping boy on the cot.

"I'm not on watch for a few more hours."

Lori nodded even though he couldn't see her and knew what he was trying to say. That she was safe to sleep, if she so pleased.

Carl wasn't the only one that slept better with their safety net, Lori did too, and Shane knew it. She'd never imagined she'd be the type of woman to rest easier with a man around but that was before everything had changed, everything except the man next to her. Her husband was dead, his corpse left behind in Atlanta with almost everything Lori owned. She had no doubt her parents were dead, her brother, her neighbors too. Her pets, her car, her possessions, her sanity. Everything was gone, much less everyone. Everyone except Shane and her son and truthfully, she rested better with them both in her sight.

Even before Rick's accident she'd gotten used to falling asleep alone. He'd been a deputy too, one that prided himself on his job and there'd been more nights of cold dinners and empty beds than without. She'd blamed him for that and now she hated herself for it.

Rick would've probably blended well into their quiet hell. After all, hadn't she always complained to him about being too silent?

When the tear escaped Lori did nothing to wipe it away. Instead she let it fall down the side of her face and collect in the mess of her long brown hair. Tears were her new normal, being messy was her new normal, and having a dead husband was supposed to be her new normal although Lori wasn't sure her mind was capable of wrapping around that fact.

Sometimes at night she spent her time trying to decide if Rick's shooting and coma had made losing him any easier. Afterall, even before that first strange newscast she'd already been in the process of saying goodbye to her husband...just in case he didn't pull through. And even before then there'd been distance between them, distance she regretted but it lived between them all the same. And even now she couldn't decide. There'd been no closure, not even eventually the brutally graphic type that people now got when a loved one was bitten. She hadn't watched her husband die, she didn't get to scream over that loss, she'd been too busy packing and running. It'd been weeks and a part of Lori felt like she'd lost Rick forever ago, another part expected to see him alive because she'd never seen him dead.

Or had it been weeks?

"I don't know how long my own husband has been dead," Lori confessed into the darkness, suddenly aware that another tear had managed to escape.

"Weeks," Shane answered.

"But I don't even know how many. We don't even know when he died...was he aware what was happening?"

When Shane pulled her to him Lori did nothing to stop it. Laying her head on the chest of the one person who remembered the man they were speaking about was comforting and Lori breathed a bit easier despite the humid air. Shane knew her husband. The house, the family, the memories, everything from her old world he knew too. Now he was the only thing left of it and Lori burrowed her head under his chin, wrapped a leg over his strong thigh and clung onto one of the few things she had left.

A kiss landed in her hair and Lori almost apologized for it being a mess. But Shane didn't care. Keeping them safe, fed, happy...those were his priorities, just as Rick's would've been.

His heart beat like a drum in his chest, reminding Lori how very alive he was, how sturdy his strong arms and hard stomach were. In a world where more died than lived the sound was so comforting she couldn't help but sigh, especially when his fingers stroked the small of her back.

"It was deserted when I got there." Shane paused, taking a moment to clear his throat and get it adjusted to the low volume they were speaking. "And then they came and the power went out. I ducked. By the time we were alone, there was no heartbeat, nothing."

Lori had the story memorized and most of time she tried to visualize her husband's dead body lying there with Shane's ear pressed against it but the visual had been played over so many times that Lori wasn't sure how many more times she could hear it before she cracked.

Instead she focused on where her own ear was, on Shane's beating heart, and ran a hand over the sweaty t-shirt that covered a living, breathing man. Hard abs, a thick waist - Shane was nothing like Rick. He smelled different, he felt different, and for a moment Lori wondered how different he'd taste. When she strummed her fingertips over his stomach his breathing caught faster than Rick's ever would have done, maybe because no matter how many memories they shared together the feeling of each other's skin had never been one.

Lori closed her eyes and nestled in tighter, making note of how big Shane's hand felt when the one that had been rubbing her back now traveled lower, caressing her backside instead. It was his turn to steal her breath with the bold move and Lori couldn't remember the last time anything had sucked the air from her lungs that wasn't related to bad news. Borrowing his bravery, Lori slid a hand of her own under his t-shirt so that she was finally skin to skin with another living, breathing human being and she couldn't help but sigh even if her fingers shook.

When had her leg started gripping him tighter? When had that first flicker of arousal lit between her legs?

"Shane?"

She pulled her face from his chest in an attempt to see him in the dark but it wasn't necessary. Lori knew Shane's expressions, every last quirk. She knew his shit eating grin and proud smile, she knew his sleepy brown eyes and had a suspicion they didn't look much different when they were filled with need. The idea that she'd known the man for so long and so well sent a shiver down her spine, forcing her nipples to harden under her tank top.

"Shane? What are we doing?"

Her question was a little louder and yet he stayed mute. Instead Lori felt his fingers travel under her belt, until his palm was full of her bare ass. It was like he too needed to cling onto something that was alive, something familiar, something that filled the silence and emptied his thoughts.

When he drew whimper straight from her gut and out of her mouth he finally stopped, his free hand grabbing her chin.

"Shane, I-"

"We," he corrected.

"We can't."

Shane had never been one to take no for answer. Lori could feel him pressed against her thigh through his pants, hard and swollen, burning against her skin. Her words said no but his body was pleading for a yes, same as her own.

And what was to stop them? Shane was Rick's best friend and it felt like the ultimate betrayal but now he was her best friend too, her only friend, her only...anything. Carl was her son but there were some things a ten year old would never understand. Lori had never been more homesick in her life and Shane was the biggest slice of home she was ever going to get. God couldn't even judge her because Lori was convinced no God of hers would've brought this hell to earth.

Shane's hand still held her chin when Lori's eyes darted to Carl who lay across the tent. He was her last excuse, her only excuse, and even though Shane couldn't track her eyes he could read her mind.

"You've cried yourself to sleep and he's never once woke up."

"I know...I just-"

She cut herself off that time. That bulge in Shane's pants was still pressed against her and his thumb was running over her lips with patience she'd never thought him capable of.

Was it bad that she literally ached to feel him? To feel anything? For a few blissful moments she had something to concentrate on other than the dead and Lori yearned for more.

Closing her eyes, Lori gave her head the smallest of nods and before she could take it back Shane drew her face closer to his and planted a kiss on her lips. It was simple, barely more than a peck, a test run that made Lori's heart pounder a little harder in the dark. This was Shane, Shane fucking Walsh, the man she'd watched strut across her lawn as he fixed her car, the man who'd crashed on her couch when he'd had a few too many with her husband and now all Lori wanted to do was kiss him again.

The second time was better.

Shane quietly forced her onto her back, careful to not even slide their bodies too hard against the nylon fabric of the tent so as to not wake her son and by the time his mouth found hers again Lori was grasping his face and parting her lips, allowing him entrance inside. She should've known he'd kiss the way he did everything else - with every bit of effort his body could manage. Lori wanted to moan when his tongue dipped into her mouth and deepened their kiss but she didn't dare, not even when every urgent stroke also stroked that fire growing between her thighs, not even when he pulled away to bury his face into her neck and leave a trail to her collarbone.

Silence was key and it forced every kiss to be more purposeful, for no sloppy smacks to fill the air. When his tongue grazed that sweet spot on her neck Lori couldn't even whimper, when his teeth grazed it right after her lips actually trembled.

Shane's motions were eager but always careful not to make a peep, not even when Lori felt his cock straining against her thigh. But no, he was in control of himself, he always was. It was Lori that unraveled with every wet flick of his tongue against her flesh, that forced her fingers into his sweaty hair when his fingers pinched a hard bud through her shirt. Every time she felt her arousal growing he somehow knew to squeeze her nipple and suck her neck just as she started to throb and stopped before she peaked too high, too soon.

Sweat was collecting between their bodies just like the sticky mess Lori was creating in her underwear.

Finally when Shane pulled away Lori couldn't help but whimper, a bit louder than she would've preferred, but before there was time to regret the disturbance one of Shane's hands clamped over her mouth, silencing her.

It shouldn't have turned her on but yet it did.

Rick had always been gentle and she'd loved that about him. And as much as she wanted home, she was glad Shane was nothing like her husband, it somehow eased the betrayal. Rick never would've stared her down in the dark with what Lori knew was a knowing smile, he wouldn't have managed to unbutton her shorts and ease them off soundlessly. And he most certainly wouldn't have let out a self satisfied chuckle when her thighs spread in anticipation.

Propped on his elbow, Shane stopped long enough to pull a spare blanket up over their waists and for a moment Lori almost begged him not to do it. Their skin was already sticking together, Lori could barely breathe but she understood why and she loved that about him. In love with him? No. But she loved him well enough, he was family.

Family that was pushing her panties to the side in one single stroke and running a quick finger over her slit.

The hand on her mouth muffled Lori's moan but finally she heard Shane's pleased grunt, felt him dig his cock into her side for a bit of pleasure of his own.

Parting her legs under the cover for him, Lori was soaked, and his fingers made careful work so as to not fill the tent with the sounds of their efforts. She'd always assumed Shane was a bit of a bull when it came to everything and knowing her previous suspicions translated into the bedroom put goosebumps on her thighs. She'd never meant to confirm those suspicions, she'd honestly never wanted to, but yet there they were, tangled together, and Lori finally knew how Shane Walsh fucked a woman.

She knew he used this thick digits to coat her lips in her own juices to make for a slippy ride, she knew he liked to trace over her slit without ever dipping in, not even when her legs tensed. She even knew that he waited until she didn't see it coming to shove two fingers inside her walls while also pressing his cock against her just as hard, allowing Lori to pretend he was filling her with his dick instead.

It was almost too rough at first.

Slick walls eased his entrance but it was still jarring to be hit with relief so quickly and so hard. Lori could feel the muscles in his arms flexing as he fucked her quick and brutal, adding just enough pain to her pleasure. Harsh thrusts that stretched her out and hit her somewhere deep inside, adding too much pressure to that spot with each stroke and Lori had to bite his hand to keep from moaning.

Each time his fingers slid inside her, Lori felt a wave of heat between her legs that was building quickly and making her clit ache. Shane would press his cock against her every time he thrusted his fingers and Lori could feel that pressure building, threatening to explode. Finally his thumb find that hard swollen nub between her lips.

When Shane's fingers weren't inside her, stretching her out, his thumb worked hard circles over her clit and Lori never got a break from his strokes. When her legs started to shake and her hips began rutting against his hand Shane finally dug in as deep as he could and curved the two fingers inside her, all the while pushing hard right on her clit.

Lori was close, right on the verge.

And it was a damn good thing he'd clamped her mouth shut, even if she could barely breathe. Lori wanted to moan, to whimper, instead she all she could was breathe through her nose and tremble as Shane worked her closer and closer to the edge, his fingers never once leaving once she started to arch her back against him. He was knuckle deep when Lori felt her walls start to spasm. She grabbed his hand, begging him to somehow get deeper than he already was, her eyes fluttering.

And it was right then, just when she was about to go over the edge that he stopped, yanking the hand from between her legs and adding more pressure to her mouth to mute her cry.

Cursing his name wasn't an option but God, how she wanted to. She needed to. Lori needed something and judging by how quickly Shane unbuttoned and unzipped, he was ready to give it to her.

It was a bit surreal to make room for him between her legs. But what did feel real anymore? Certainly not the world Lori was living in. Did it really matter if she added one more oddity to the list? The world certainly couldn't end, it already had.

She'd hugged this man, she'd kissed his cheek, patted his back, and even playfully ruffled his hair. Never had she planned to ever spread her thighs for him and before just the mere idea would've turned her stomach. He was attractive but he wasn't hers, she'd never wanted him to be. She'd had a husband, who despite their problems, she'd loved. But now Shane was her partner, her only partner, and wrapping her arms around his neck felt like the next best thing to normal.

The weight of his body on top of her was comforting, feeling another heart pound against hers. A part of Lori wished she could look in his eyes while he stared down at her, another part was glad for the dark. She wasn't sure of much in that moment except that when he pulled the damn blanket back over them she was thankful for it. Lori couldn't think straight but at least he was, Shane always was, and it just made her grip him tighter.

Stopping for just a moment they both just stared at each other. Lori felt him moving between her legs, freeing himself from his pants and every sigh and grunt that came along with it. There was something far more personal about feeling his warm breath on her face, hearing the sounds Shane made in anticipation, it made it all so very real. But real was good, it gave Lori something to cling to.

This time there was no hand covering her mouth.

Lori felt Shane's gaze on her face all the while her hands explored his, taking note of each tiny scar and blemish under his five o'clock shadow until finally he smothered his lips with hers, sliding his tongue inside her mouth just when his hand yet again pushed her underwear over to make room for himself.

The first thrust was agonizing, especially because Lori had already been pushed so close and her walls were sensitive to the intrusion. Easing into her, Shane made sure not the shake the space too hard or make the sheets rustle. Even their shared moan echoed into each other's mouths and Lori weakened at the sound of a such a strong man being vulnerable with need. He stayed put for a beat, allowing her to adjust to his size. Perhaps he had warmed her up, hell he'd almost made her boil over, but his cock was still a snug squeeze and Lori's pussy ached when she imagined the second thrust stretching her out.

After the assault from his fingers his careful thrusts were pure torture. Everytime Shane rocked his hips Lori felt his breathing increase and his cock throb inside of her, slow and steady, careful not to disturb anyone.

Each pump had Lori gripping his ass and spreading her legs, her pussy pulsing every time he bottomed out.

It didn't take long for him to find a good rhythm, one that kept his thrusts steady and hard, but quiet. Always quiet. The silence was starting to drive Lori mad. She wanted to hear his balls slap against her, she wanted Shane to be free to grunt as much as he needed instead of burying his mouth in her neck yet again and biting the flesh just to release the need.

Lori felt his hips work a little harder, pushing their luck just a little more and she knew he was closing in on his own release. She was right there too. That extra pressure had his cock filling her up and Lori's walls began to flutter again. This time Shane let her get there.

He didn't stop, he didn't slow down, he didn't change his pace at all.

Instead he kept right at, pushing into her and creating a sloppy mess between her legs, his cock throbbing with each thrust. When Lori finally unraveled, every part of pulsed just like the walls that gripped his dick. It took every ounce of willpower she had not to groan, instead she dug her nails into his ass and bit her own lip until she tasted blood.

Shane was right behind her. Lori was at her peak when she felt his cock stiffen inside of her and throb, a few more thrusts and she felt him unload as deep as her body would allow. After a few more pushes, Shane had emptied himself and Lori was still grinding under him and caressing his sweaty back.

They stayed still for a moment and Lori's felt her heart failing to slow down at all.

She'd just screwed Shane, his seed was still inside her, and there was no going back. But even when he rested his forehead against hers, Lori couldn't find it in herself to push him away. Instead she stroked his neck and welcomed the kiss he placed on her lips.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, finally rolling away and righting himself in his pants.

Lori took the opportunity to kick herself free of the blanket and search for her shorts in the dark.

"It's fine," Lori reassured him.

Was it fine? She wasn't entirely sure. Nothing felt fine anymore. And on the list of the things that didn't feel fine there were far bigger problems than what she'd just done. At the end of the day, nothing was ever going to be okay again. It made this feel small in comparison.

Once they were both dressed, Shane found his spot next to Lori again and this time when Lori rested her head on his chest she didn't have to wonder how he'd taste. Now she knew. And when his hand stroked her back now it just willed her to sleep.

"Do you think anyone heard that?" Lori asked, feeling his breathing starting to steady under the t-shirt that clung to his pecs in sweat.

Now that the deed had been done she didn't worry as much about being quiet. If Carl awoke he'd find nothing too out of the ordinary.

"I doubt it," Shane answered with a laugh. "Even if they did I'm pretty sure they already think we're fuckin' anyway."

"Really?"

For a second Lori felt her heart drop into her stomach, afraid someone would tell Rick. Until she remembered that Rick was gone and never coming back. But Shane, at least, was there.

"Yeah. Does that bother you?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Just not Carl."

"He won't. It's too soon."

There was something about his reply and how his arm pulled her closer that made Lori wonder if there'd be more later. She wanted to correct him, to tell Shane that it'd been mistake, but the words never came. Instead she imagined another time, a different time, where maybe she'd be able to moan his name aloud and actually see the bare ass that pumped inside of her and it was nice to have something to look forward to.

"Go to sleep," Shane said, back to whispering.

"Are you still leaving to do watch?"

"You know I am."

Lori did know. Whatever had just shifted between them, Shane's need to protect hadn't. She wasn't sure it ever would.

It was something to be thankful for and in a world where there was little that made her feel grateful, Lori wouldn't dare put a stop to the things that did. With that thought in mind Lori finally allowed her eyes to close and her body to relax, quite possibly for the first time in weeks.


End file.
